Whole New Ball Game

England coach Brian Ashton will give debuts-to-forget to full-back Mike Brown, prop Nick Wood and lock Dean Schofield after naming his side to face South Africa.

Fly-half wonder boy Jonny Wilkinson and centre Andy Farrell return to the starting line-up for this utter debacle in which most of England’s top players are missing.

Sale prop Stuart Turner will partner 34-year-old hooker Mark Regan in the front row. And Gloucester’s Andy Hazell starts at open-side flanker in Bloemfontein.

God. Help. Us.